Terran's journey with Hirschsprung's Disease

Terran's Birthdays

Terran's Birthdays were a time for celebration
Not a time for tears
But what happens when the birthdays
No longer mark the years
A birthday marks the moment
A spirit enters earthly life
To share its special love and joy
And learn from earthly strife
Before a spirit comes to us,
It knows when and how it must depart
It chose its path carefully,
We are honored from the start
The sadness we now feel
on such a joyous day
Is longing for our terrans touch
It's natural to feel this way
For even though the birthdays
No longer mark a spirit's stay
Love continues on forever
To touch us everyday
I hug my precious memories
Close to my heart
And honor my beloved spirit child terran
Who chose me from the start
Mommie loves you baby

Hi welcome to Terrans website

Terran was born Aug 16, 1996 the last child of Kim and Dennis Robinstein he was born with a rare disease called Hirshchsprung's Disease. He is the light of our lifes and we are forver grateful for him chosing us as his parents.

We hope in learning about terran and what has happened in his life you are better able to help your child or someone your know maybe you dont know anyone like terran but someday you will meet someone and will know all about it. Come join our childs journey with Hirschsprung's Disease.

On aug 16, 2007 some friends and I set up a new foundation dedicated to helping parents become better health advocates for their children in memory of Terran and all the children like him.

Terran caring for babies till their mom comes home

In life I cared for Terran in death he cares for other transplant babies and brings them to jesus

jesus please leave the light on for my boy he's afraid of the dark and let him just this once jesus let him watch his favorite video till his eyes become droopy from sleep make sure you tuck him tight so he feels safe and warm kiss his eyes ever so lightly jesus and jesus if its not a problem kiss him for mommie since she cant be near.

good night darling sleep tight dont let those heavely bed bugs bite till mommie can lay by your side.

mommie

9 months ago this sunday

9 Months ago I had a son a beautiful wonderful son full of life 9 months ago I had a life not much to some but a life 9 months ago had a son whose smile lit up my heart I lived for that smile now I don't live now I simply survive each day struggling to get out of bed each day spending more and more time at terran's side pleading with god to let me join him again to fill my life full of the joy I once had

9 months ago I had a son and in an instant that child was gone a night that replays in my mind over and over it plays each agonizing second I don't think I will ever be able to dream again how i wish i could live for him again now all I want is to be with him its not gotten any easier nor any better

9 months ago we had a family now in an instant that family has been ripped apart touched by death of our beloved child no one wants to be here anymore all mourn for this special child

at least I can sit next to him every day for hours on end I sit by him waiting and praying for it to end I pray we are together again soon.

9 months ago I fell in to a new world a world where i did want to be its a strange world a world with its own language and customs

for 9 months I have stuggled to find a way to live in this new world i have been put in but each day i fall further away from the old world and slip further in to the new world

9 month in this new world a world of I'm sorry and IF i can help 9 months of loneliness and saddness stuggling to go one stuggling to breath stuggling to find my way in this strange new world with no escape

9 months ago i arrved in this place no i did not hurt some one or break the law but none the less 6 months ago i was locked in this new world my sentace forever no death sentace for me no such comfort allowed in this new world the name of this world

GRIEF

my crime my child was killed my child was taken from my arms for ever never to be allowed to smell his sweet scent never again to see his smiling face never again to lay next to him and snuggle to hear his sweet voice "I love you mommie" This strange world is so horrble but stangely full of others who are like me the stange world is empty and sad No children allowed it says on the gates no children allowed only darkness here only sad tear stained eyes

My child died my child lies alone in a dark lonely place each day I sit by him waiting to join him someday if i am lucky I will I hope and pray for death as its the only way i can leave this stranger new world.

The day my child died I died to

Sunday Nov 12 7 weeks since you left me

as i approaced terran's grave today i got quite a surprise a simple piece of paper lay next to his rangers a letter from terran i share it here as i read the letter tears rolled down my face as i can see him sitting on jesus lap writing this with his savior helping him as I would. I miss him more and more each day and each day some day the pain will ease then I will be the happiest mommie in heaven for i will be able to share his joy once more.

"Dear Mom,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I Love You". I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa and Mickey, Christian, Jacob, Joshua, all my friends met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD ! And guess what, Mom ? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom ? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him ?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool ? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The Hirschsprung's and Pseudo obstruction is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery ! How about that ?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

We left after we took him back me to go shopping for him I got him his video game he had wanted he waited so long for a ps2 daddy had finally gotten off lay away terran was to get it the next day he was so excited to have this we got back to the hospital about 2 hours later daddy left to go eat dinner i stayed with terran we snuggled and watched cartoons he missed them as they did not have tv in the ICU we watched tv for a few hours till daddy came back terran had a great idea daddy spend the night with him so they could watch videos mommie take the night off we stayed while i thought it over it was hard for me to leave him on the floor i did not trust the night nurses on ptsu to care for him properly but he seemed ok and wanted it so so about 12 am cephas and I went to transplant house before that we sat with terran joking and making funny noise terran was so happy and content hardly pressing the button for his morphone I thought it ok to leave him i kissed him on his head and tucked in him tight terran never could sleep with out a kiss and hug from mommie and of course a tuck in

When I left his eyes were already becoming droopy his daddy had drifted off as well in the bed next to terran so i kissed him lightly on his head kissing daddy as well cephas and I left to sleep as well.

This is how i saw terran that last time safe and sound in his bed all snug and warm mason in his arms his blanket and pillow comforting him

the next time i saw terran his eyes were full of fright dennis had called me around 4 am he said "somethings not right' i rushed to his side he seemed small and afraid as i held his hand things got insane a short time later everything that could go wrong did every mistake that could be made was and terran was ripped from my arms at 6:55 am my world fell apart.

at 6:55 am my life ended with his last breath no one could console me i was unconsoleable i was insane as i rushed from his room to do myself harm but cephas needed to know i rushed to transplant house his eyes full of sleep not comprehending my saddness. We went back to terrans room no one was there anymore his room dark and sad he sat on his bed now clean and his blanket had been placed on him i kissed his face begging for him to breath but no breath came i begged the nurses to take him home "no they said thats not allowed" I begged to hold him one last time again they said thats not a good idea finaly he was placed in my arms by his doctor finaly my heart felt came my world crumbled with the touch of his face as my eyes cried rivers of tears for my son. People trickled in most just came in an left his doctors came back in I questioned them why why what happened we just dont know was their reply we just dont know.

Two dear friends came by my side karen the mother terran gave advice too her child was in the icu recovering from transplant surgery just a few hours ago she said to me She wiggled her toes her eyes wet with tears as she touched my sons leg and gave me a hug tears flowed from my eyes then monica another mom and dear friend came in next her eyes red from crying as she knelt by my side words escaped her. they took him from my arms and i felt as if the world just melted away no longer a mother I said no longer his mother

Now as I sit here remembering his last day his last hours his last breath my life feels as if its over. no longer is he at my side i am forced to continue a life i hate. But last night for the first time since he died i felt him i dreamed of him in heaven tell me "dont worry mommie it wont be much longer till your with me again" a new enegry surged over me this am as i stuggled to update his site for some reason its as if he's guilding me to do what i have been all day fixing this or that on his site chosing this picture or that picture for some reason worring over that one parent who just stumbled here and is worried this is her childs fate. With a renewed enegry i will update each and every page till its just right each one will be full of him and his life each a renewed insite in to this awsome childs life when its done I dont know what I will do his death has affected me so deeply i cant think of a future wihtout him here. I know i must go on I read each and every card and letter that wonderful people send me i read each entry in to his guestbook filling me with love and strength but with out this awsome child god entrusted me with life does not seem worth living much even though i know i must.

they say writing is therpy so over the next few days and weeks you will notice new addtions to terrans web site a book if you please called terrans journey a journey of inspiration and joy a celebration of a beautiful childs life in writing this book i hope to share how unique and wonderful terrans life really was

so bear with me when you see the naviagation links are messsed up just know i am hard at work and it wll get fixed shortly soon you will see a new site that will be a credit to my son

so for now sleep angel while mommie fills her time with memories of you the tears will flow as i remember those wonderful early years the chills the thrills that was your life now snuggle down my love and listen as mommie tells your story soon my angel we will be together

soo sleep now my child mommie will be here soon to be at your side never far

Daily updates can be found under Letters to terran